Oi! Off the Bench: 10 ways to freak out a pianist

Musicians are often know to be among the most violent and high-strung people around. Probably among the worst of these are the rhythm section: piano, bass guitar, and percussion. As a piano player, I know that it is very easy to make any musician angry. But for the sake of a shorter blog post, I now present: 10 ways to Freak Out a Pianist.

10. Call their job easy.
I have 88 buttons to make a mistake on, and a thousand ways to make it. How many do you have?

9. Diss their piano.
Don’t you dare call my baby names! I will hurt you!

8. Compare them to others.
Just don’t. This really applies to everything in life.

7. Diss other piano players.
Some pianists stink, but they will improve. Don’t diss ’em!

6. Put stuff on their piano.
It’s an instrument, not a shelf. I don’t see the saxophones being used as cup holders, so why is my piano a table?

5. Ask them to play a crappy piano.
Pianists are almost always the only people who can’t bring their instrument with them to concerts and contests. If the piano is a piece of crap, my playing will be the same.

4. A crappy bench
You play Beethoven while sitting on a wobbly little stool and see how it feels.

3. The music
Don’t touch their music unless you are a page turner. Seriously. Not cool.

2. Play their piano.
No. Not unless you’re a piano player.

1. Get yo’ butt off my bench!

Bonus: Don’t point out that their piano is, in fact, not owned by them, but rather by the school/church/concert hall/whatever.